How to share with children about a cancer diagnosis
The founder of Above + Beyond Cancer, Dr. Richard Deming discusses how to share with children about a cancer diagnosis, with this week’s guest, Pam Genz. Pam is originally from Lincoln, Nebraska, and went to Connecticut College for an undergrad degree in child development and earned a master's degree from the University of Nebraska. She was a child life specialist in Pediatric Oncology Counseling at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore Maryland. Her career has included time at the children's cancer hospital in Phoenix and she has done work surrounding child life, pediatric oncology, grief counseling, and counseling for children of patients who have cancer.
Throughout the discussion, Dr. Deming and Pam delegate the importance of the development of resilience for children. Ultimately, they suggest that parental/guardian support and care are necessary for the growth of resilience. Pam describes that teenagers have the tendency to protect their parents and don't want to be a burden to their lives. Similarly, parents often want to protect their kids, however, it is important to let them learn adaptability and grow with each experience.
Pam expresses that it is not helpful for parents to assume their kids are oblivious or unaffected by a cancer diagnosis. It is important to remember that everyone deals with cancer differently, and expressing empathy for each individual is extremely valuable.
Pam challenges guardians and parents to ask their children what they already know about cancer and then what they want to know. It is key to establish healthy boundaries with kids of every age. Oftentimes, children are not interested in gathering more knowledge about a cancer diagnosis, even if their parent/guardian expects them to want to know.
Check-ins are extremely helpful with children of all ages. It is not helpful to assume what a kid knows and what they need. In some situations, children feel like they need to be the guardian. It is valuable to check in on the needs of one another so everyone feels as comfortable and safe as possible.
She notes that kids of different ages usually require different conversations:
Babies and Toddlers: as they have limited speech, look for changes in behavior such as loss of sleep or increased mal-behavior to try to empathize with them.
Early Elementary: keep explanations simple, ask what they want to know, and don't overshare. It can be helpful to make learning about the diagnosis/cancer a family activity
Teens: Let them know that they did not cause the diagnosis or do anything to add stress, similarly it is also helpful to learn about the diagnosis as a family to curb misinformation
Another important takeaway is that increasing expectations (to a degree) of one’s child post-diagnosis is okay but be mindful that children, especially teenagers are learning to become independent and should not be in the palace of a caretaker to their parent/guardian. Overall, it is valuable to not lessen the rules at home as some sort of normalcy is important, so kids do not feel that their parents no longer care about them.
For more, check out this conversation in detail on the Above + Beyond Cancer's Youtube channel or check out two different books written by Pam Genz:
Life Isn't Always a Day at the Beach: A Book for All Children Whose Lives Are Affected by Cancer
Life Isn't Always a Breeze and A Supportive Journal for All Teens Whose Lives are Affected by Cancer
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